That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
