I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
