Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize