i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
