She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Randomize
