mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
