i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
