Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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