jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
