He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
