I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
