i think my tv is drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
