Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Randomize
