Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
