We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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