I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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