I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
