i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
