your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
