he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
only if we run a train.
done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
