I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
