I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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