I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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