peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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