I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
