I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
