Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this will be a night to untag.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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