I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
