Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
