Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
