Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
