All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
