i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
