My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
