Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
