cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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