I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
