OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
