you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
