So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
