Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
