my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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