It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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