nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize