I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
