No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
