I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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