this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
