Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
