I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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