I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
