So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
