Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
