I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
