my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need moral support for this bender
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
