I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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