Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
