hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
