yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
