I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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