Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
