is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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