the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
