I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
