I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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