i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
