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weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
