It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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