my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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