T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
