No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
