Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
