We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
